Could you repeat that, please???

So I have been sitting here thinking about some of the more ridiculous things I have said as a mother...and how, if you are simply listening in on the conversation, I would sound like I am completely insane, or at least living in an asylum with insane children in it. Here are a few examples from the week -
"Please don't bring your gun to the table."
"Don't shoot the baby!"
"Don't lick the cat, your going to get scratched."
"Stop shaking your p-e-n-i-s at me and get dressed."
"Get your p-e-n-i-s out of your sister's dollhouse potty and GET DRESSED!"
"Farts are not weapons, you're going to poop your pants."
"The IV pole is not a stripping pole, please stop treating it as such."
"Don't wipe your boogers on the bed."
"Get that straw out of your nose! Do you WANT a feeding tube??"
Now as you'll notice, most of these comments are directed towards Camden. No, all but one of these are directed towards Cam. The other is to Pax. This should have been titled "What happens when you have 2 boys in your house." Hmmm....